So, remember when I told you all how I had won Kim Stagliano’s Ugly-Suit (aka birth control) (HERE)?  Well, I received the suit from Michelle O’Neil over at Full-Soul-Ahead a few days ago.  If at all possible, the suit is more shiteous than in the photographs; although, to be honest, my daughter and I both agree the suit could have been cute if only they had stopped with one or two colors, or stuck with either stripes, flowers, or decorative shapes… just not all of them, along with every color of the rainbow… plus gold.  Oy.  I guess what we’re saying is the suit could have been cute if it had been a completely different suit.

The first time I saw the suit on Kim’s site (HERE), I laughed along with everyone else at the way Kim had the suit displayed on a pillow.  When Kim announced the Win Kim Stagliano’s Ugly Bathing Suit contest on that post, I knew immediately what I would do if I were to win.  Alas, Michell O’Neil won the suit from Kim.

Michelle put the suit on her cat (HERE), VERY FUNNY; but, I heard her choice caused every branch of PETA to go into action.  I think I saw Pamela Anderson going off on Michelle on some talk show.  There were rumors that PETA vigilantes were stalking Michelle in hopes of catching her alone so that they could douse her with red paint.  Oh, Michelle, what you did to that poor cat.  I’m surprised the suit didn’t singe the cat’s hair upon contact… or did it?

Okay, as I said, I knew exactly what I would do with the suit if I were *lucky* enough to win it.  When Michelle announced I had won, I immediately told my husband my plans and he told me he could help, as he had the exact prop I was talking about at work and could bring it home for the weekend.

Friday rolled around and the kids and I headed over to my parent’s house for dinner.  Mike told me he would meet us there because he needed to stop off at home to drop the goods.  After dinner I had to get Charlie home for his meds so I left.  Mike stayed behind to chat with my parents for a few minutes.  Charlie and I walked in the house, he ran straight to the bathroom and I went into the kitchen to start mixing his nighttime meds.  I turned on the light and immediately started screaming bloody murder… there was a man in my kitchen.

It took a full 20 seconds of screaming for my mind to process what I was seeing.  My thought process went something like this, “OH MY GOD THERE IS A MAN IN MY KITCHEN!! HE’S GOING TO KILL ME!! WHAT THE HELL IS HE WEARING?? Wait, he looks like Elvis… wait… he is Elvis… Elvis is dead (they say)… therefore Elvis cannot possibly be in my kitchen… Oh, that’s right, I asked my husband to bring Elvis home from work… Okay, I’m not going to die.”  Yes, I need therapy.

The weird thing about that experience was that several days ago Michell O’Neil put up a post on her blog (HERE) about a dream where a man barged into her kitchen, and how she subsequently changed a nightmare to a pleasant dream by making the man have Alzheimer’s, taking his hand, and walking him home. The comments on the post were heartfelt and sweet; I on the other hand, because I have this sickness to always try to be funny, commented, “On a lighter note…Maybe next time a big man barges into your kitchen (in your dreams), you should immediately visualize him in KStag’s ugly suit…or would that still be a nightmare?”  Isn’t that weird?  And then a big man is in my kitchen, who would soon be wearing the suit.  Man, the Universe has such a sick sense of humor!  Or is that karma?

Back to the contest:  Now that the cat is out of the bag, you know my prop is Elvis.  Why Elvis?  Well, I live in Memphis, what else could it possibly be?  BB King maybe, but BB has style, Elvis was a collector and lover of all things tacky – seemed like a match made in heaven to me (no offense KStag).

So without further ado:  Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the duet of a lifetime: The King and Kim Stagliano’s Ugly Bathing Suit:

Notice the rum in the background. The King said the only way he would wear the suit would be if we poured him a couple of fingers of rum (or ten).  He said, (in his Elvis voice) “Man, I can’t stomach that thing man, I might need to eat me a peanut butter and jellybean sandwich to make myself forget… Hey, wait a minute man, didn’t I have a couch with that same print on it down in the Jungle Room at Graceland?… Somebody give me some more rum man, I feel a binge comin’ on.”

So now that I’ve fulfilled my end of the deal with the contest, it’s time to pass this little beauty on to the next big winner.  Do you have a great idea for the KStag-Ugly Suit?  If so, here are the original contest rules as per Kim Stagliano:

1) If you enter, you must agree to run a contest for this suit on your own blog within a week of receiving the suit in the mail. This gives you ample time to ogle its shiteousness before sending it along to the next soon-to-be disgusted recipient. You can photograph the suit on your cat, your Harley, a tombstone – it’s your call. Run the photo on your blog. Be creative. Tell your blog buddies where the contest began – and send this Lycra loser along to whoever wins your contest.

2) Leave a comment and an email address so I can reach you. Or email me at jeannecant at yahoo dot com, if you’d rather not leave your email address in the comments. But still leave a comment, OK?

All right, Blog Buddies – let’s see who wins!

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 21st, 2008 at 6:58 pm and is filed under Kim Stagliano, Too Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.